Welcome, Anthony. I'm so excited to have you here today.
I'm thankful and very honored that you asked me to be here, so thank you.
We've worked together for a few years and we've become great friends and we have wonderful creative conversations. So I'm looking forward to sharing your wisdom with all of our listeners. So I'm just going to dive in if you'll let me do that because I know it's been going on in your life recently and you've just come out of a trial where you've had another successful verdict. And I know from our work together that there are things that you are doing that you have learned over several years that really help you in different phases before trial and quite a bit of time before trial.
Things that you do to help you to be a better person, right human in that experience and a lawyer and things that you do during trial. And then even things that you are doing and practices that you have when the verdict comes in and it's. So I'd like to start there. Will you share with us, let's start with some of the things that you are doing, the practices that you're doing, the way that you're looking at things differently before trial preparing and coming up to the trial date?
Absolutely. So for me, if I'm able to get in the courtroom one to three times a year, I'm happy because I want to be trying cases. I'm not the lawyer who lives in the courtroom. I practice at a small firm and my trial team's small, and so I'm not able to try a lot of cases each year.
So for me, it's more of an event, and I think that could be some beneficials because I have to work up to it to get ready each time. You know, some of the things that I do before practice, something that's important about me, and that was a big part of who I am, is that I was a wrestler. My dad put me in wrestling at age 5. If you guys know about Iowa, yeah, Iowa.
They're crazy about wrestling and the reason why I like to mention that is because that mindset of an athlete and wanting to practice and perform that I've carried that over and there's some things that are really, really helpful and there's some things that are not helpful.
Yeah, you know, I have my 16 year old as a wrestler, but he didn't start until much later. And one of the things he told me when he first started experiencing was he's like, it's a very physical, but mom, it's so mental, this whole sport. So I'd love to hear what are some of the things that you carry for that you think are helpfulness and some of the things that are not.
Sure. One of the things that I learned from my wrestling coach, which is still, every single time I get ready for trial, I have to remind myself, like, I wish I was at my best all the time, but the truth is I'm not. It takes a lot of preparation to be at my best. And so the first thing is as a kindergartner, you know, each match, if I won it, I thought I was the best wrestler in the world.
And when I lost, I thought I was the worst wrestler in the world. And there was nothing in between. And I was living or dying on my next match match. And so one of my wrestling coaches helped me understand to separate who I am with my performance and being able to look at my performance separate.
And so that was something that was really important that I carried over into practice of law. Because the truth is, no matter how good you are, how hard you work, how much you prepare, you're going to lose in a fundamental little the child in me, my inner children. So that's unfair. But I have to always remind myself about that.
And so part of the preparation mentally for trial is I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm going to let my clients down. I'm afraid I'm going to let my trial team down. And I am in fear.
That is the first phase when this is really going to trial. This is really going to happen, as wise as I think I am, or as many times as I experience it each and every time.
It's really important to recognize it and to also to understand that once you've had that loss, because I can tell you the biggest loss I have and it's been 20 years and it's still imprinted. And a part of it's because I cared so much about the client and it was very significant, you know, impact for the fact that we lost because it affected his medical care etcetera that he could afford. It was really hard and understanding that if you don't really look at that and understand how that can impact your actions forward can make a really big difference about what you're willing to step into or not, which could really limit to you. So what is it that you do when you say, well, I have to recognize that I'm afraid.
How is it that you look at that, have awareness of it, and then are there certain practices that help you to continue to move forward even though you're afraid?
Sure. So sometimes it just hits me over the head. I mean, I have anxiety dreams. I have a recurring dream where there are, I'll say, angels.
For this version. There are angels who are talking about how I haven't used my time well, and I am pleading with them for more time. So this is a recurring dream. So sometimes it's not Angel, sometimes it's aliens, sometimes it's, you know, other supernatural forces.
But I am pleading and I'll be waking up yelling, I'll wake up my wife and just yelling about it. So it hits me over the top. So as cool as a cucumber as I'd like to be to the outside, you know, when those dreams start happening, I know that the stress is getting to me. There are other signs that I'm sure everybody knows, like being short with people thinking you don't have important time to do things like exercise.
You know, it's, it's when you get into that trap of like, I know I need to exercise, but I don't have time. You know, you probably should exercise. It's the same thing with my meditation practice. If I'm saying, oh, you know what, if I don't meditate, that gives me 20-30 more minutes.
I can do this work. That's exactly the time I know I need to do that. So those are some signs that are reoccurring where I'm trying to take out my habits or rituals that help me stay balanced. Those are usually a sign and I have to consciously say no, I need to make time.
These are things that make me be at my best and I have to do that.
Yeah, I say it all the time. With the clients that I'm working with, there is this hustle mentality and exhaustion mentality and still having to push forward. I'm just always saying no. If you understood that taking the time to do the things that restore and give you the energy that gives you power and you'll be more powerful and everything you're trying to do and it won't be so hard.
We've just been taught differently that somehow like, oh, if I take the time to exercise, that is not as important as just sitting down and pushing through. Or if I, like you said, don't take the time to meditate or whatever the practice is for you. It's almost like there's like this guilt mentality that would make me better even if it was going to go get a massage, right? Like it helps my body to be better, that there is some kind of guilt around that.
And it's good that you've recognized that that is actually the most important thing. And if there's one thing I could teach people and just like, really hammer it in, it's like if you would spend just a fraction of the time that you spend worrying, just going in and staying committed to the things that keep you powerful, it would be so different.
You know, I couldn't agree more. You know, one of the things I've done a lot of personal work and, you know, you being my mentor and my coach and quite frankly, my shaman, you know, so right, you've helped me with those things. And one of the beliefs was the idea that if I wasn't working to exhaustion, I was not working hard enough. And.
Feel.
Faulty about it.
That's what I was talking about when I said the hustle mentality, but I didn't have it as clear as you just said it because I know so many of us. I've done it too. And there's so many of us that are living in a place with this belief and it's unconscious that if I am not exhausted, I'm not working hard enough, 100%. So how did you overcome that, Anthony?
So a lot of personal work, as you know, you know, the trial lawyers college was a huge part of my evolution as a human being. So doing psychodrama, doing spiritual work, doing meditations, coming back to that, just that belief was actually preventing me from making my next step or leap. And it's just that mirror of what is actually preventing me from getting to the next level. It's always counterintuitive in my experience.
It's counterintuitive because you think it's a good thing, right? If I work hard, just work harder, I'll get better and I will get all the things that I want if I just work hard. But that's a lie. And like, you know, even when I tell my friends and colleagues, they look shocked and they want to physically hurt me.
That's how strongly they hold on to that belief. They're like, what if I don't work harder? And I'm not saying don't work hard, but the point of the joy and going to things that you enjoy doing and making time for yourself will make you more successful. And that's hard to hear sometimes because at least in my family, the growing up, you know, it's sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.
Second generation Mexican American, you know, my family on both sides, heritage from Mexico and the sacrifice and the hard work that they did day in, day out just to give me my parents and the opportunity. Like that's not lost on me, right? The idea is like taken to an extreme, it's actually harmful and that took a lot of personal work to get to that point.
You know, I just try to tell people, think of yourself as an energy being because we are and we wake up each day, we have a certain amount of energy and there are a lot of factors that go into that, including the amount of sleep and when not you had one of your dreams last night or not. And you know, and the food that we eat, the exercise, the stress levels, all of these things, we wake up with a certain amount of energy. And if I am low energy, then I won't do anything as well as I could if I was higher energy. If we think about when you're low energy, how you handle something that, you know, somebody's who's frustrating, you don't handle that well, right?
And if I'm, but if I'm feeling really good and I'm feeling rested and I'm charged and I'm ready to go, then something unexpected coming in, I can handle and stay centered and calm. And if people just thought of it like that in the terms of like that, and they would see that if they would be intentional about recharging and building in that in every single day that they would be more powerful and more successful. And everything that they do, it actually is easier to do and it goes faster because you're not having to work so hard, you're so low energy.
Absolutely. And, you know, these are some of the things that you've taught me and that I've heard, you know, from all my teachers and mentors is like, if you're in a bad state of mind, first thing you're supposed to do is not push through it, but just to switch that state of mind so you can be more productive, right? Why put yourself through all this misery?
Right. Well, and you know, state and story, right? What's your state? Physical and emotional, mental can brings in the story.
This is the two things that are driving us in this in. When you understand that and you know how to empower both of those, then everything is completely different and how we step in. So let's talk about a little bit more about some of the things that you're doing differently. So one is, is you're breaking that rule of that you have to work.
If you're not exhausted, you're not working hard enough, and you recognize that there's a total different way of actually being successful when you break that rule. What else have you noticed about what you're doing differently in practicing law, even leading up to trial, even though with how you interact with your clients? Because I love the way that you look at the work that you do and how the lens that you put on it.
Yes, I really believe that the work we do with our clients can be a spiritual practice.
Wow, yeah.
Well.
It's a healing practice, right? What we are doing as lawyers is healing work. We're helping people. So say more about that.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. So spiritual practice means to you what, Anthony?
Yeah, like it's, it's healing, right? And this is something that you've taught me. I mean, really, what are we doing? We're trying to heal previous emotional wounds.
And then once we get to do that, then we can have fun and be creative. It's not as easy as, you know, 01 and I'm done. You know, I no longer have any more of these emotional wounds, at least in my experience. It's you keep addressing it and going deeper and deeper and you learn more about yourself.
And what I believe is that it's so important to open your heart up to your client and to love them with all of your heart. And I'm a big believer that if you love someone, you say I love you. And you know, one of the ways that I love about my relationship with my clients and my former clients, a practice to open my heart is I will call them up and talk with them just to catch up, to see how they've been. And a lot of times my clients feel comfortable enough to say I love you to me and I say I love you to them.
Besides hugging them, this love continues on after the trial and for me, it makes everything so much more meaningful and fulfilling.
That's amazing. So that's really breaking like one of the rules, You know, one of the traditional rules would be like, you know, this is about compartmentalizing things out. And so for you to be in a space where you truly care about your client, you are really opening yourself to them. Tell us why.
I know why, right? Because I know I practice law like that. Like for you, the experience at Travelers College really taught me more about being human right and understanding that connection is the power. And everything that we're doing is about connecting with people and we're in the courtroom.
It's about connecting with the jury, right? And connecting with your witnesses, all of the things that you're doing. And you can't do that if you're not in a place where they can trust you. And that takes vulnerability, even with the jury.
So say more about why you think that is so powerful and how that has changed the way that you practice.
Well, love is the most powerful thing that you can bring into the courtroom, and we know it transforms us, right? When you experience love, you are transformed. And so you know that if we are leading the jury to a courageous verdict, you have to transform them. And the only way and the best way to do it is love.
Yes, there are other emotions, but ultimately they have to care about your client. And if you don't care about your client, then it might end up with just a who cares or So what?
Right. Well, and The thing is that everything, when we talk about that, we're energy beings. If you don't care, if you don't really know your client, if you don't really care about the story, care about them, then it doesn't matter what you're saying in the courtroom because the energy of that is felt. We know that.
We know when somebody cares about something, if they really believe in it or not, and we also know when they don't.
Yeah, I mean, the jury, they're experts in emotions, not maybe on a conscious level, but an unconscious level. They know who people are, confident, who are telling the truth, who they like. That's why I say that's something that's within our control and it's makes my actual practice so much more meaningful. So how what are some of specific practices that I do?
I mentioned how I will call former clients who have gone through a trial with me before, right. That's going through something it.
Is.
And so that's one way to open my heart to get back into the place where I might not have been in for 5-6 months. And then what I also do towards the end when preparing my client, because I tell them we're not going to have a whole lot of time to really prepare once trial starts. So what I want to do with, you know, if it's OK with you is I'd like to talk with you over the phone. Just one hour.
But week, if you're busy, we'll cut it down to 20 minutes each night.
Wow, OK.
And then when we talk over the phone and remember I am super busy preparing for other things, right? Right. It's not like I have a bunch of time, like every second is accounted for what the importance is. 1 I'm getting to explore.
So you going back to the trial lawyers college. I'm getting to explore the scenes with my clients. So even though I know the story to keep it fresh, I'm getting the sensory details. And so that help is more helpful than asking them the same questions or questions that I'm going to ask them because then it sounds rehearsed.
Well. So I'm getting the sensory details, which makes it more interesting to me even though I know them at an abstract level. But even more important is I get to share stories that come up while I'm listening to those stories and I tell my client listen. If a memory comes up that is coming up with me while I'm listening to your story, that is a really good sign because that means that the jury are probably are connected and they're going to be re experiencing or living those as well.
And so then I share that and I actually invite my trial team because at trial, I might be busy doing something, but my client might be going through something very emotional and serious. And so I have asked my paralegals or other people, my trial team to join me on those phone calls so that if I can't be there to emotionally support my client when they just heard the defendant that killed, you know, her dad lie for the 10th time, my paralegal can be there as a source of someone who could listen. This is a practice that I just stumbled upon. I'm just so glad that because I needed to and there was an issue with me and my client and we needed to just get over it.
It helped so much that we were talking directly versus having some of my people, my trial team work with her. But now I've done it ever since and I'll continue to do it.
So that's some of the things that you're doing differently, you know, every night calling and talking with them. What are some other things that you do before you get that close to trial that help you to create a space where your client opens up with you and trusts you and is able to give the story that they might not normally do if they weren't in a place where they felt that they could be that vulnerable? How do you do that?
Yeah. And I'm sure a lot of people who are listening to this have heard going spend some time with your client at their house or an important things. So that's obviously important part is where you're doing that. I think for me, I share about what's going on in my life with my clients because I treat them as a family and friends.
And I'm not going to talk about with my family and friends, their trauma. Every time we talk about them, there's so much more than their trauma. And so I talk about myself an appropriate amount to share so that she understands or he understands that what I'm going through and that she's experiencing or he experiencing is and she's not alone.
Right. That's so beautiful. Let me bring your attention to something, Anthony, I really want to hear you talk more about. I know one of the things that you've really start to concretize for yourself is that there seems to be as you're moving into and preparing for trial that there are certain phases that you go through.
Can you talk a little bit about that? And then let's talk about some of the things that are the biggest scary moments in trial. Is are the challenges in trial that you face that you and the practice you used to get through those?
Yes, so I think we we may have talked about the scary or the fear one where I'm having dreams of pleading with the angels. Please give me more time. That's one of the glaring signs of the I'm afraid to let my client down. I'm afraid to let my trial team down.
Ego wise, I'm afraid to lose.
Right.
So then the next phase, once I get over that, it's just an exhaustion phase of just every moment is accounted for every day and night. It's just get waking up and doing the same thing. You know, that's the mindset when I'm in that mindset.
How many days do you think that that is before trial?
God, I wish it would just be one day, but in reality it seems to last at least three days, maybe more.
Yeah.
Maybe a week.
And how long before trial does that seem to appear?
At this point in my career, it's probably around the the 14 day mark.
Before trial.
Yeah, that's the date and state court where they just dump all these motion and lemonades on us. And so the papers there, and even though I've made preparations, it's like, OK, I got to work on this, I got to work on that. Then after this I got to work on that. So it's around 14 days.
I mean, obviously if it were in federal court, it might be different.
And what do you do to get through it?
You know, I think what's really important is if I'm working with my trial team is that we take that moment in the beginning to just do warmups, as silly as it sounds, like Ice Breakers, but just talking about something that brings me joy and brings my trial team joy.
Right. Can you give us an example of a warm up?
Oh my God, I have so many of them. I love them. I asked them to the jury as well. So I'll give you the one that is my new favorite for right for the moment for the jury asking them about, you know, helping them open their heart is imagine that, you know, how normal people have seven days a week.
I want you to imagine that you have 9 days. So you have two extra days and nobody else has to know about them and you have no obligations whatsoever. And if you want to, you can invite other people to your two extra days. And So what would you do?
Well, how would you use those two extra days?
That is so cool. I was just thinking about, well, first I'd keep it to myself, and then I was like, no, I might just invite my kids, right. Because I feel like I don't have enough time. That's where I am right now.
Yeah. OK, so you get through that exhaustion phase. Is there another one that happens before trial?
Well, this is the sweet spot. This is the place where I wish I could live in every moment and which is what I look forward to in trial. It's where, while I'm busy and I every moment's accounted for, I know that I'm going to get done what I need to get done today and I have faith that what needs to be done tomorrow will get done.
Yeah, there's not. You just put out the worry. You're just like, I'm going to show up and this is going to be the 24 hours I concentrate on and everything else is going to be OK.
Oh yeah, it is. It is such a beautiful sweet spot. Call it flow, call it peace, whatever you want to call it, it is an amazing place to be. But I think the truth of the matter is I have to go through phase one and phase two to get there.
I was just going to say, what do you have to do to get there? Get through the 1st 2:00.
I think it's the 1st 2:00.
OK, so now let's move into trial. The things that can throw you off in trial are and and some tips that you have that help you to stay where you need to be.
So I've come to the conclusion that each member of my trial team is going to have a scary moment in trial. I just can't. So just being like, you know, reality is there is going to be a scary moment. And so this past trial, I was cross examining a witness and I asked a question which I thought was within bounds of the judge's ruling on the motion and limiting.
Well, in a conference outside the presence of the jury, the judge seemed to disagree and got really scary. So if you can imagine when you have, you know, at that point over $200,000 of our firm's money and we're a small firm on the case. We've already had days of testimony. We had months of preparation and the judge tells me, Anthony, you're a good attorney.
You don't have to make comments like that. And he's really red. So if you can imagine an older judge, his face is very red. So, I mean, you can tell he's angry at me raising his voice and he's making a ruling on a motion for mistrial.
Because unfortunately, what we've experienced in medical malpractice cases is that the attorneys for the insurance companies and the doctors, hospitals, their whole strategy is never get to trial continuance, mistrial. And so when the judge was read and was telling me I was basically better than that, that you shouldn't have done that and you're going to get in trouble, that was my scary moment. I had to. Yeah.
OK. So that's what I mean by a scary moment. I mean, I can go through other trials, but just knowing that there are, you know, this kind of.
There's going to be moments that things happen and not just with you, but like you said, your trial team is all going to do something too. I think that's a really great awareness to have, but also just the philosophy because it's sort of like, oh, well, that happened now we're ready to go. I can remember when my daughter was little and she was taking riding lessons. Her riding instructor told her that you're not a true good horse rider until you've fallen off your you've been kicked off three times.
And I was there the first time she got kicked off. And I was like, I'm in a panic. And he's just calm. And he's like, Callie, that's the first one, man.
You only got two more. And she literally just jumps up. You see? She was getting ready to cry, right?
She just jumps up to get right back on there. It's like, well, there's the relief. There's the thing that was going to happen, and now we're just going to be on fire. It's a good mindset to have.
Yeah. Do you guys talk about that? You talk about that with your trial team.
I tell them, you guys going into this, so you're going to have a scary moment, OK? And we're all going to have them. We're going to be here. What's most important is that we love and trust each other.
And so just letting them know know that and telling myself that because it's better to have that mindset that something's going to happen because it's very unlikely that everything is going to go.
Smoothly, exactly right. It's very courtroom is a very ambiguous place. So being able to have that mindset to be flexible with that is really great. The last I think I want to move into you is, and you and I have talked about this, when the verdict comes in, what do you think happens to your energy afterwards?
Because I have the observations from when I was trying cases, but before I share mine, I want to hear what yours are. Have you found a certain phase of what you go through then?
Yes. So first I want to start out with just thanking you for showing me a grounding exercise that I do when I'm in the top of my game every moment. So you taught me how to basically visualize roots going down to the earth and to be, you know, the source of strength and stability for the jury. And so I think this is a good way to lead into it because when I've done that, I can feel the energy.
I can actually feel my feet be very heavy and cold. And this is a good thing, right? Because that's means what you've taught me as they're tapping into my energy, which is good.
Yeah, what I say is that the most grounded person in the room is who we're drawn to because that's what we want, right? We don't want the person who's crazy erratic and anxious and all the things we want to be like the person who's the most grounded, and we repel against the opposite. So yeah, keep going. That's really cool.
So not only do you remember the energy, we already talked about the scary phase. So that's a lot of energy. We talked about the exhaustion phase. That's a little bit lower energy, but with the breakthrough of just that inflow state.
So you're already high energy. You're taking on the jury's energy as well as anybody else in the courtroom. I'm used to experiencing high, high energy and then in my verdicts, especially when I'm allowed to be in the courtroom, I will actually feel strong pulls that when I can tell you where the verdict. Like I said, if you guys don't believe me, I would encourage you to try it.
This stuff is real. It works. And so I could tell you when the jury came to a verdict, right? So you got all that energy, right?
Right. And then after trial, you still kind of have that high energy personally, but when I'm Week 2 or week 3 and right now I'm kind of just, I crash, you know, I feel like I, I had the mindset we're like, why can't I be like this always? I can work non-stop and you know, every day it's like, why can't I just live like this? And then if you Fast forward in three weeks, like I'm literally on the phone with the loved 1 and I'm passing out because I don't know, I'm I'm that low on energy.
Right. And because it is, it's so much energy, my response to it. And I remember discovering this like after my first or second trial and I was, you know, just Co chair with my dad, you know, trying the case. And I remember that I asked this question because it was a good verdict.
But I can remember the next day or two. And this happened to me almost every time, almost feeling like I was depressed. Why do I feel like that? And his response was because you've been so invested and all of a sudden you don't have that.
And he didn't know anything about energy. The way I talk about energy now, I didn't know anything at that time either. But that's really true. It's just what you described.
It's hitting you a little bit later, you know, two to three weeks out. You know, there's all kinds of things that helps us in our system physically that's happening, that keeps us really that high energy besides practice you can intentionally do to make that happen. But the, you know, all the endorphins and things that are happening in the cortisol and all that stuff that's happening in your system that when your system, when it stops, it's almost like it's taking a dive. And that's where it becomes even more important that you were doing these practices that charge you all along, like whether that's exercise or the meditation and the different mindset practices, the different energy practices that you can do, because then it helps you to be resilient, to be able to come back faster.
You know, it might take you a long time if you weren't doing that.
I agree. And it goes back to just kind of being aware that it's going to happen, right and then not beating up on yourself, right does and say, oh, why am I feeling this way? Why am I, you know, low energies, low energies, you know, if I attach depressed to it, then I'll feel like depressed. But I mean, I experienced the low energy and I know what's going to happen.
It's nothing wrong or bad that I'm doing, it's just it happens.
Right. And so then you know again building and having awareness of it and then building it what you need to help you to recharge. I think if you are everyday doing those practices, then when you use a lot of energy and you could be really depleted, you can recover it faster because your system knows how, because you're doing it every day. You're wiring your mind and your body to respond, to learn to respond a certain way.
And so it's why I'm always stressing to people. It takes practice, it's everyday commitment. It's a discipline. And people would be like, oh, it feels so great, Lexley, when I come and work with you, I feel so amazing.
And like, I know, and it might not feel like that every day, but it's just like when you're wrestler, like when you're talking about you got to show up anything. You have to show up and practice it over and over and over again for your system to be able to have it. It's just so important. Well, this has been fascinating.
So we're going to close out with the questions that we normally ask all of our guests. We've already talked about one rule. We've talked a couple of rules that you're breaking that you would tell lawyers to break. The next question is, is what's something you're excited about that you're creating right now?
All the different my teachers, mentors, the things I've been studying, it's starting to come together and to this really nice, clear message that I think I can share with people. And so I was fortunate enough where I was allowed to present at the Iowa Association for Justice annual seminar. And my message, I was using the storytelling part. And I'm a storytelling nerd.
I read all about, you know, Joseph Campbell's work and things like that. And combining that as a plaintiff's lawyers, what we go through in our own personal life story and mapping that on with the hero's story. And there's a part where they describe it. Joseph Campbell's work of the hero's journey as the approach to the inmost cave where the hero in Star Wars literally went into a cave where Luke found his shadow, which was Darth Vader, but or metaphorically of going in to address our shadow.
Carl Jung calls it the individuation process. But different practices, different cultures, whatever you want to call it, spiritual practice is called different things. But becoming whole, right? Becoming whole and so encouraging.
I think I'm just at the point of being able to crystallize a very concrete message to people on how when we roll reverse with the defendant, that in doing so we can also do our own personal work or shadow work, and how that process leads ultimately to forgiving ourselves In the past when we have been the villain, yes.
Wow. I cannot wait to see and hear more about that because you're taking this whole profession and what we do is about healing to another level. That's awesome. All right.
The last question and you have talked about some different practices, but I really want to know if I had to say to you, what's 1 practice? If you could share one practice that you think has been the most essential for you in creating change? What's 1 practice that you do that makes you a better, happier human?
I think it's the habit of and I do this to my kids and they and get annoyed by me, but guess what? They are a captive audience when I'm driving them to school. And so I'm just building the habits of these basic questions because I want them to be able to switch their emotions to things that are helpful when they get very anxious. Like my son, for example, gets very anxious over whether it's a wrestling match or why I had to take him to the doctor.
I mean, you'd never seen a kid get so worked up over getting his blood pressure before. But that's what I experienced this week, this practice of and it's simple, right? This things that are simple, that are elegant, that are beautiful, they work, but they have to become a habit. And so I'm the wrestler mentality of just over and over and over again.
So practice, practice, practice, practice. So when I take my kids, because it's important, I, I ask them, what's one thing that you're grateful for? And I go first because as the leader or facilitator, whatever you want to call me, the dad who's driving, the kids, I go for
Right.
What's one thing I'm grateful for? What's one thing I'm excited about? And then these are three new ones that I've been asking, but same thing. It's like it works for me.
If I'm going to ask the jury to answer these questions, I have to answer these questions, right? What's one thing that when you think about it, you can't help but smile, right? This is the fourth one. What's one thing that you think about?
You can't help but laugh. Oh.
My gosh, I love it.
And then what's one thing that you think about, or you hear or see or do, and you can't help but dance?
Awesome. And do you ask this every day with them?
Every single day. You know why? Because if we're talking about practices that are life changing, but they're simple but life changing, gratitude, excitement, smiling, laughing and dancing, it doesn't get much more transformative than those five basic things.
Wow, I love that. And I'm going to steal it and I'm going to start doing that. I'm going to make both of my kids do it and they're not as young as yours. So that's really amazing.
Thank you so much for that and for being here. And I've learned so much from you just in this conversation. So thank you so much for your wisdom and your gift into the world.
Thank you so much, Lexley, for all the help that you've given me all these years and being a major influence in my evolution as a human being and becoming a better trial lawyer. So thank you. Well.
It's absolutely my joy.
